JJ
by kellym64
Summary: My view on what Minimal Loss (4x03) would have been like if JJ and Emily were a couple.
1. Chapter 1

**All characters, and some of the script, belong solely to Criminal Minds and it's beautiful creators. My view on what Minimal Loss (4x03) would have been like if JJ and Emily were together. I enjoyed writing this so I hope you enjoy reading it.**

The second you hear the news report your heart hits your stomach. This can't be happening. Not now  
"Morgan!" his head snaps up and you realise now how anxious your voice must sound, the worry is already evident in his eyes  
"What's up?" he asks, already slightly risen from his chair. You turn on the TV hanging on the wall nearby, the news report is still going and your heart still hasn't put itself right  
_"What is reportedly being called a routine questions-and-answers meeting by Colorado child services has turned into a violent and deadly standoff between Colorado authorities and a fringe religious group known as the Separatarian Sect. The raid on the sect's compound…" _the news report echoes around the bullpen, catching the attention of the other agents surrounding you  
"JJ, that's not the ranch where Prentiss and Reid are?" the worry in his voice matches yours now  
"They're still inside" your voice cracks and your hand immediately goes to your ever growing bump  
"Hotch!" Morgan shouts, his voice overpowering the news report for just a second  
_"Tactical Warrant Services Team into a forced retreat after losing a 30-minute gun battle with the heavily armed sect." _thirty minutes…anything could have happened in thirty minutes. Emily might not even be alive right now  
"The TV. Prentiss and Reid" Hotch and Rossi are stood on the walkway now, both staring at Morgan intently  
_"No one knows for sure how many people are inside." _Except you do know. You might not know how many other people are inside but you know that two of the most important people in your life are inside that compound "_It is believed that at least three of the child service members are still trapped within the compound." _That gives you a bit of hope. If they are still trapped inside, if no one has been their bodies, maybe they are still alive. You are snapped out of your thoughts when every phone in the bullpen starts ringing but the news report still has your full attention "_One police officer has died and several other…" _you wonder if that police officer has a family, a wife, a husband. You wonder if that will be you at the end of the day. The grieving partner  
"Alright, that means we're the lead with Hostage Rescue in support. Let's go." Hotch snaps everyone into action and you follow immediately behind Morgan who squeezes your shoulder comfortingly as he walks past. Your baby moves slightly underneath your hand and your thoughts go back to Emily and the last time you saw her. You don't want it to have been the last time. You aren't ready for it to have been the last time.

_"Jayje, baby. I have to go" the soft whispers of your fiancées voice in your eye wakes you from your deep sleep. Her hand is rubbing soft circles on your stomach; your baby is fluttering slightly under the movement  
"mmm, good luck" you feel her smile against the side of your face and you want to wake up a little more, actually see her face before she leaves, but it's early and you've been tossing and turning all night  
"I'll see you soon. I love you" she presses a kiss just under your ear and now you really want to wake up but before you can do anything her weight has lifted off the bed and you are succumbing to sleep again_

"I didn't tell her" you mumble to yourself but Morgan turns his head to look at you. He'd made you get in his SVU with him, telling him it was easier if he drove you both to the jet. You know that isn't the reason though, you know he just wants to keep an eye on you  
"Didn't tell who what?" he asks, his attention going back to the road  
"I didn't tell her I love her. When Emily left this morning. I didn't say it back" you hear Morgan sigh and he reaches across the car to squeeze your knee before talking  
"She knows JJ" you nod because that's true. It had taken you a while but she really believes you when you say it now. You can tell by the way her eyes light up every time the words leave your mouth. You know she knows but what if you never get to tell her again? What if she dies without getting to here you say it again?

The plane journey is a blur. You know there are discussions and you know you're involved in half of it but you aren't really there. You're too busy thinking about Emily to actually fully involve yourself in whatever everyone is talking about. You just want to run in there and grab her, shooting anyone who gets in your way. Your aim is good, you think you can manage it  
"JJ" the voice behind you startles you and you turn to find that the jet is empty "you coming?" Hotch asks and you nod before standing. You don't want to have to sit near that building and not do anything. This must be how the families of victims feel. You aren't sure how you were ever able to sympathise with them before now. If you survive this, maybe it'll improve your job performance. If Emily survives this.

Rossi is the lead hostage negotiator and you aren't sure whether you're happy about that. Maybe it's a good thing because he's biased and he'll have Emily and Spencer at the front of his mind. They are the ones he's going to be thinking about first. Is that really a good thing though? Are his judgements going to be wrong? What if he makes a decision that kills them both?  
"JJ..." Hotch catches your attention again and you know you need to do your job. Your baby gives you a hard kick and it's like he, or she, is telling you to move your arse. Telling you to go save mommy  
"I'm on it" you need to control the press. If someone leaks any important information there's an even bigger chance that Emily is dead.

You haven't slept yet. You tried because you're exhausted but every time you close your eyes Emily is there, begging you to help her. Begging you to come and save er  
"Reid and Prentiss are okay" Rossi announces and you let out a deep breath. She's alive  
"what about Cyrus?" Morgan asks and you feel sick at just the thought of the man  
"He's too calm. It's like he was waiting for this to happen and now that is has he feels vindicated" Rossi replies and you aren't sure how to take that information. What does that mean?  
"I got a signal. I'm getting a signal here" your attention goes solely to the tech agent listening for anything on the radio  
_"we will be with Him soon. We have drank the poison together" _everyone in the room freezes, unsure of what to do with this new piece of information and all you want to do is throw up. What if that means Emily and Spencer as well? _"Mothers, fathers, children, though we walk through the valley of the shadow of death, we fear no evil, for thou are with us" _you want to grab the man and shake him. There are children in there, scared children who deserve to live a full and happy life. Emily and Spencer are in there. Two people who definitely don't deserve to die like this_  
_"This doesn't fit. I looked him in the eye. He was calm, lucid." Rossi states, confusion spread across his face  
"They're committing mass suicide" Hotch almost shouts, slight panic showing in his voice  
"We don't know that for sure" Rossi reassures, sounding slightly hysterical  
"Rossi he just said it" Hotch argues, flinging his hands in the air in what you can only think is frustration. Both at the situation and at Rossi  
"We're ready to go" you're standing behind them all like a lost puppy. You don't know who to side with. You know that one of the choices is going to get Emily killed  
"If we go in there people are going to die" Rossi argues, his frustration evident on his face  
"People are already dying" Hotch shouts back and you sigh deeply, this is going nowhere  
_"And God will wipe the tears from their eyes, and there will be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying, and there will be no more pain, for all the former things have passed away" _you can still hear Cyrus talking and you silently swear to yourself that if you ever get your hands on him you'll make him regret ever putting any of you through this_  
_"Jim Jones pulled the same stunt. They did a test run just like this years before they did the real thing." Rossi tries to reason with Hotch, tries to get him to stand down. You know he is being biased but at the same time he's thinking of all the poor innocent children inside that compound  
"Prepare your men to go in" Hotch orders and you swear you see Rossi glare at Hotch  
"_Be still. There was no poison" _you let you the biggest sigh of relief and slump against the wall behind you. Your phone beeps then, interrupting your moment of relief. The former sect leader is here. You have to keep doing your job. You have to keep trying to save them.

The relief you felt at hearing that Emily was alive lasts up until the second you see the news report. You think maybe after this you'll stop watching the news. Nothing good ever comes out of it  
"JJ, I need you to release a press statement saying that we have absolutely no evidence of sexual allegations" Hotch catches you as you're walking towards them, your entire body shaking as you get closer  
"You need to see this…" your voice cracks and they all look up at you as you rush towards them. The words are echoing in your head  
"_Now well into its second day, the standoff at the Separatarian Sect ranch has now been taken over by the FBI. There was much speculation in regard to hostages but anonymous sources inside the State Attorney General's Office have told us there is an undercover FBI agent currently being held inside the Separatarian Sect ranch. Hostage negotiators say they are making headway with the sect's leadership and are hopeful for a positive outcome. There is still no word as to why an undercover FBI agent was sent in alone" _they know now. They now one of them is an FBI agent and you know exactly what's going to happen next. Emily is going to be the hero and you're never going to see her alive again  
"please don't be the hero" you whisper into your hands. It feels like your baby is doing somersaults inside you and you aren't sure whether you're going to throw up or pass out. Maybe both. Morgan looks just as distressed as you do and you know exactly what he's thinking. He's thinking the exact same thing as you. You both know that Emily will do anything to protect Spencer. You both know she's going to try and be the hero. It's in her blood and you love her for it but you won't ever be able to forgive her if it kills her.

As soon as you hear that she's brought herself forward as the FBI agent Morgan doesn't leave your side. It's like he knows you're likely to do something stupid. Whether you mean to or not  
"She'll be okay" he reassures you and you know he means it. As much as he can right now anyway, and you want to believe him but you can't. There is a tiny part of you that believes she's going to be okay because Emily is strong and Emily loves you. Because she can't wait to finally meet your baby.

_"I like the name Amelia" she whispers against your belly. She's taken to talking to the baby whilst you're both lying in bed. It does things to you that you didn't even think were possible  
"It's nice but we're having a boy. What's your name for a boy?" you tell her but she shakes her head  
"I'm not telling you. We could have a girl. I think we're having a girl" she smiles against your bump and you know that she's holding back on the boy name because deep down she knows you're having a boy. You take a second to just watch her. She's whispering so quietly that you can't hear her but watching is enough. You know she's going to love this baby more than anything in the world and just the thought of that makes you love her even more.  
"I love you" you're surprised when your voice cracks and you put it down to the hormones. Everything makes you want to cry right now  
"I love you too" she replies, moving away from your bump to kiss you lovingly "more than you can even imagine" you pull her in for another kiss and feel her smile against you. You aren't sure how you got so lucky._

"I can take it" there's a crash as she says it and your heart stops. You have to cough because it feels like maybe your heart is stuck in your throat "I can take it" with every grunt, every crash, every scream your heart breaks a little more. You're listening to your fiancée being beaten and you really want to just run to her. Hold her until all the hurt goes away  
"She's antagonising him" Morgan shouts and you glare at him unintentionally. You both know Emily isn't that stupid. Even if you do want to scream at her right now you know she isn't stupid. You know there is a reason for all of this  
"I can take it" you can hear the faltering in her voice now. No one else can hear it but you know her when she's weak. The break in her voice gets greater with every hit and you're scared for her. Scared again that you're never going to see her again  
"She's not talking to him" Rossi announces and you find yourself nodding your head. She's too smart. Even in situations like this  
"She's talking to us. She's telling us not to come in" Hotch states and you can even hear the falter in his voice now. This needs to end soon. You need this to end soon.

Nothing happens for a while and that makes you both even more anxious and a little bit calmer. The saying 'no news is good news' comes to mind and you want it to make you feel better. It should make you feel better but it doesn't because no news means you don't know whether Emily is still alive or not. The next couple of hours brush by and before you know it its dark and Emily's voice is crackling over the radio  
"I can try and get the women and children down to the tunnel but I need to know when you're coming" it's never felt so good to hear her voice. You knew she was alive but now you have the reassurance that she is okay. The baby has been moving almost violently all day and suddenly the movements are gone. Hearing her voice has calmed you both down "I can try and get the women and children down to the tunnel, but I need to know when you're coming" Morgan has disappeared to somewhere closer to the compound; you assume it's to let Emily know they are coming. To let her know it's okay to carry out her plan "I can try and get the women and children…" her voice trails off and you take the next minute to just appreciate her voice as she communicates with Morgan  
"Mommy is going to be okay" you reassure your baby who has calmed down considerably. You think it's because your heart has stopped racing and is no longer trying to escape through your throat  
"JJ…his name. His name is Henry" your heart drops and Hotch turns from talking to another agent to stare at you. You're suddenly light headed and manage to find a seat before the room starts spinning "I love you…I just…I love you Jennifer. Don't ever forget that" there is a slight sob when she finishes talking and it echoes your own. You just want this to be done now. You want Emily back in your arms.

"If something happens to Prentiss or Reid…I don't…I don't know" you hear Hotch talking to Rossi and you see Hotch look at you out of the corner of his eye as Rossi replies  
"You're not alone" you can feel both of them looking at you as you turn away from them. Neither of them is alone but you are. No one is going to know the pain you'll be feeling if Emily dies. They will all be mourning the loss of two friends, two fellow agents but you'll be mourning the loss of your fiancée, the mother of your child, and one of your best friends. You aren't sure that you'll be able to handle it if she doesn't survive this.

A lot happens all at once and there is talk of explosives and getting everyone out quickly. You aren't allowed anywhere near the compound. You were given strict orders from Hotch to stay a safe distance away from the compound, for the safety of you and your baby. A couple of minutes pass and you see women and children running from the compound, most of them crying, holding their children tightly in their arms. You wait for Emily and Spencer to make their appearance but they don't. You wait another couple of minutes and then you see her. You call out to her but she stops and turns away from you. Her eyes are glued on the entrance to the compound and you scream at her. Why isn't she listening to you? You know the others are still in there but you know she can hear you screaming for her. She must know what this is doing to you  
"Reid" her screams erupt at the same time that the compound explodes in flames. You think you scream but you can't be sure. There is suddenly so much happening and you almost run towards Emily when you see her running towards Reid and pulling him into her arms. You're angry but relieved. Angry because you've been screaming for her and she ignored you but relieved because they are all safe. You get to take your family home.

The way she pulls you into her when she finally reaches you makes you forgot how angry you are. You feel her wince as you collide with her but then she's grabbing your face between her hands and kissing you like it's the first time and you forget. You forget that you've just spent two days convinced that she was going to die. You forget that you're angry at her for ignoring you. You forget everything  
"I love you. I love you so much" she whispers as you pull away, slightly breathless. Your fingers wonder gently across her face, silently assessing her injuries. Her eye is the worst of the noticeable injuries but you can tell by the way she is leaning against you that her ribs caught most of the hits. You place a soft kiss on her forehead and just hold her until the paramedic arrives to look her over. There are some very expected protests but you eventually convince her to get checked out. You reluctantly leave her to go and check on Reid  
"JJ…I'm so sorry" he apologises before you can even ask him how he is  
"What? Spence, none of this was your fault" he shakes his head and fumbles awkwardly on his feet  
"I should have…it should have been me" he states and you shake your head whilst watching Emily out of the corner of your eye, you can't help but smile when you see her arguing with the paramedic  
"Spencer, none of this was your fault" you tell him firmly and after a while he nods his head and you pull him into a tight hug which he returns gratefully.

Once she's finished being treated you don't let her out of your sight. You were right in thinking that her ribs caught a lot of the beating. They are severely bruised and she's been advised to take it easy for a while. You know that isn't going to happen but you can try  
"I'll be back in a minute" she reassures you when she stands from her seat on the jet and you almost jump after her. You watch her as she moves to sit in front of Reid and you wonder what she's saying to him. You think that it's probably something to similar to what you were telling him earlier. That none of this is his fault. You want to tell him over and over but you know Spencer and you know it's going to take a while for him to really believe it. She stays in the seat in front of him and for the second time that day you feel slightly betrayed by her. You let out a long sigh and she turns her head to stare at you but you close your eyes before she can make eye contact. Your baby kicks lightly and you rest your hand on the spot, rubbing soft circles against where you can feel a tiny foot. You know everything is going to be okay, you just have to wait.

**Did you enjoy it? Does anyone want me to add more?**


	2. Chapter 2

**So I decided to write another chapter, enjoy!**

When you get home you can tell something is wrong. She hasn't looked at you since you moved and sat with Reid on the jet and when you'd tried to hold her hand during the debriefing at Quantico she'd brushed you off and moved away slightly. She's busying herself with things that aren't necessary now and you can't help but feel like she's avoiding you "JJ..." you expect her to turn to you but she just gives you a distracted "yeah" and carries on fussing with the small messes around the living room "never mind" you huff and make your way upstairs. You feel her watching you as you walk up the stairs and you want to ask why she's being like this but you're exhausted and it can wait until tomorrow. Maybe she just needs time to process.  
"I'm angry at you" she states as she walks into your bedroom. You're sat on the edge of your bed failing to lift your shirt above your head. It hurts your ribs too much to lift your arms "I'm so angry at you" her voice shakes and all you want to do is hold her. You know how hard this must have been for her. You think about what she's been through over the past couple of days. How hard it must have been for her to just stand around, waiting to hear whether you were alive or not. You aren't sure you would have been able to handle it if it had been her inside that compound  
"Jen…" you start but she shakes her head and takes a step towards you  
"No. Let me finish" you nod your head and watch as she takes a deep breath before starting again "you…you could have died. You almost left me" you wait for her to carry on but before she can say anything else she's pushing herself into you and sobbing  
"Oh baby I'm sorry" you whisper into her hair and she just cries harder  
"Why do you always have to be the hero?" her voice is muffled against your shoulder as you run your hands up and down her back comfortingly  
"I'm sorry. Jayje, I couldn't let Reid go through that" you reason with her and hope that she understands. If it had been her in there she wouldn't have let Reid step up either "I'd never be able to live with myself if I got him hurt" you tell her and she pulls herself away from you to sit beside you on the bed  
"I know. I just…I was calling you and you were just standing there" you realise now why she's really so angry at you. You know exactly what she's talking about

_"Emily!" you hear her shout but you can't go to her yet. You need to make sure Reid is okay. You need to make sure they all get out alive "Emily" she's screaming at you and all you want to do is run to her. Tell her that you love and apologise for putting your life at risk. You want to hold her and never let go but you can't. You'll never forgive yourself if they don't make it out of there. You feel the explosion before it happens. The ground underneath you shudders and then building next to you explodes  
"Reid" you aren't sure how you hear it over the explosion and your own voice but you hear JJ scream. She isn't calling your name anymore she's just screaming. It's echoing in your head and it breaks your heart. As if you haven't put her through enough today._

"I couldn't…" you stutter "I couldn't face you knowing that I might have left them in there to die" you admit and she stands from her place on the bed. There is a moment of silence before she starts pacing in front of you, one hand rubbing her belly whilst the other works its way through her hair  
"What, did you think I was going to judge you?" you shake your head and go to tell her that of course you didn't but she carries on before you can "do you really think I'm that person Emily? Do you think I'd be wearing this if I was going to judge you for that" she points at her engagement ring and your heart drops a little  
"Of course not. JJ…I just needed to know that they were okay" you try and explain but as you finish your sentence she freezes in front of you  
"And I needed to know that you were okay!" she shouts at you and you flinch. She's never really raised her voice at you before "do you have any idea how hard it was for me to just stand around and wait to see whether you were dead or not?" her voice is more of a harsh whisper now and you wish she was shouting at you. The almost soft tone in her voice allows you to hear every bit of hurt you being stuck in that compound has caused  
"Jennifer…" you step towards her but she steps back, putting her hands up to silently tell you to stay where you are  
"Don't…don't call me that right now" you think you feel your heart break a little bit because she's never told you not to call you that. You've always been the one person that is allowed to call her that  
"JJ…please" you're desperate now. Desperate for her to understand why you had to wait, why you couldn't go to her when they were still stuck inside  
"If…if they hadn't come out…when the compound exploded…if they hadn't come out would you have gone in there? Would you have gone looking for them?" the question shocks you and for a second you aren't sure whether she really wants you to answer or not  
"I…yeah. Yes I would have" she sighs heavily and your heart races in anticipation. You expect her to say something which is why you're so shocked when she just nods her head and leaves the room. You go to call out to her but the door to the guest room slams shut about 30 seconds later and you know this isn't going to be sorted out tonight.

You leave a little while later. You'd stood outside the guest room door calling her but she'd locked the door and wasn't answering you. There is no way you can stand being in this house when she isn't talking to you. When your heart hurts this much. You find yourself outside Morgan's apartment. Over the years the two of you have become really close, he's your best friend  
**You coming in or what?  
**Your phone beeps beside you and you smile at his message. You aren't sure how he knows you're here but you guess he looked out of the window or something. After exiting your car you make your way to the front door which is already wide open for you. He greets you with a warm smile and a cold beer. You're sure you aren't supposed to be drinking but one shouldn't hurt. You hope  
"what's up Princess?" he asks as you both sit down in front of his large flat screen TV  
"JJ…she's mad at me" he nods his head and you turn to look at him, a stunned expression spread across your face "what are you nodding at?" he holds his hands up in defence and you calm down slightly  
"She has every right to be mad at you" you raise an eyebrow at him and he shakes his head, a small laugh escaping from his lips "can I ask you a question?" you sigh and he takes a gulp of beer before leaning back in his seat and looking right at you  
"If we hadn't come out of that compound would you have come in for us?" you falter because, what is it with people asking you that question today?  
"Why are you…" his huff stops you in your tracks "yes, of course I would have" he sighs and send him a glare, already fed up with the non verbal communication  
"Even though it might have killed you?" you nod and Morgan rolls his eyes. You're getting more frustrated as the seconds tick by and you just don't understand why everyone is being like this with you  
"You don't understand do you?" he's your best friend and you love him but right now all you want to do is slap him. Of course you don't understand. If you understood you'd be at home apologising to JJ  
"Of course I don't Derek. Why do you think I'm here?" you raise your voice slightly and push back the tears that are threatening to spill  
"Em…you were willing to die with JJ standing right there. Your pregnant fiancée" he explains gently and it all clicks. You feel stupid for not noticing it before because of course this is why she's angry at you. You would have died and left her alone to raise your baby. She was screaming for you and you ignored her. You were forcing her to watch you almost die, after hearing you being beaten just a few hours earlier  
"Oh…" the word escapes your lips as barely a whisper and you think you knock something over as you rush out of the door but you don't bother to check. You have to get home. You have to fix this.

There are a few laws broken on the way home, you're sure of it. But you can deal with that later. You stumble through the door and almost run right into her. Her eyes are frantic and there is a phone cradled in her hand. You step towards her and an apology is almost out of your mouth when her hand makes contact with your cheek. You stumble backwards, your hand immediately flying to your already throbbing cheek and she freezes  
"Em…" she takes a step towards you and you stumble backwards again, your back hitting the closed front door "Oh god, Emily" a sob escapes from somewhere deep inside her throat as you remove your hand from your face  
"What…why…I…Jayje" your head is swimming and every time a sob escapes her your heart aches more  
"You aren't supposed to be driving" she whispers and you remember. You were told that there could be a concussion so you should avoid for at least 48 hours. Just incase "I didn't know where you had gone and I can't have you almost dying on me again. Emily you can't die." The last word is punctuated and she wipes aggressively at the tears running down her face as she finishes  
"I know" you step towards her now, finally able to push yourself off of the door "I wish I could take it back but I can't. I would have gone in there but JJ…that doesn't mean that I don't love you. That doesn't mean this…" you gesture between her and yourself and then place your hands on her bump "means nothing to me. You and this baby are my world. You are my everything. If anything happened to you I would be a shell. Which is why…that's why I'm sorry. I can't imagine how I must have made you feel, leaving you standing there was the worst thing I could have done. I understand completely but Jennifer, I'm not going anywhere. I'm not leaving you and I'm not leaving Henry…" as soon as his name hits her ears she's pulling you towards her roughly and kissing you with so much love that your knees almost buckle underneath you  
"I love you. You couldn't even imagine how much I love you" she's breathless and looking at you as if you are the only thing that exists  
"Oh, I think I can" you pull her back to you and reconnect your lips. Igniting a fire inside both of you that you know will last forever. Until your last living breathe.

**I felt like this was a good ending but let me know if you want more and i'll think about it :) I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.**


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